The Last 2 Months

Well, I have not posted anything in a while because a lot was going on and I just did not know how to take it all in and did not feel like putting it all out there.  But, now that it is all over I feel like writing this to let it go.  For everyone that was wondering about the little girl I posted on facebook about or had pictures about here it the story.

The end of July we went to Houston to Jeremy's family get together.  It was a Saturday so we plan to go shopping afterwards at the Katy Mills Mall and get a hotel and then head back home Sunday.  We were going to have us a little weekend get away.  Well, after we left Jeremy's family heading to go find a hotel I got a phone call from my aunt (PS I am trying to drive downtown heavy traffic about now) saying that my Aunt needed someone to watch one of her children, ms S (I am not using really names sorry).  We were told that it was just for a couple of weeks.  Well, of course anyone that knows me and J knows that we have a big heart for children and we said "yes".

Well, we got her that night and I was so scared of how she would do not knowing us.  At first it was hard cause she got attached to me and would not let me walk out of the room and leave her with J.  But, J took a few days off so he could stay home with her and she adjusted just fine.  We enjoyed having her with us.  We did everything and made her trip with us the best.  We spoiled her just a little and try to treat her on things she don't get in the country and let her experience other things.  We went to the park, Children's museum  trips to the Zoo, Japanese Tea Gardens, friend's birthday party, playing at the YMCA, and  riding bike, doing bubbles, and sidewalk chalk with the neighborhood kids. At the end of it all we threw her a little birthday party complete with everything a birthday party for a little girl should have.

Now with all that excitement there was some tough times.  Like having to drive 5 hours to Dallas with her to pick up our car and come back all in the same day.  Having to entertain her while all our household goods were being delivered and then trying to unpack it all.  Waking that Angel up at 6am to take J to work, never getting time to get on Facebook anymore, not being able to go to the movies or out to eat.  Now all this being said I would do it all again even the bad stuff just to have those wonderful memories I made.

So well, Ms S went back to her mother at the end of September and it was really hard to pack up her stuff and willing give her back.  It is hard cause I know I was giving her a lot better then what her parents can but according to the state there was nothing wrong and she could have her back, so my hands were tied.  That being said when I gave her back it felt like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders.  I did LOVE having her here I was tired of all the negative stuff that came with it.  I was ready for phone calls and text all day and night to stop, tired of all the rumors, lies, gossip that was going around.  Tired of worrying everyday what will happen tomorrow, trying to figure out who said what and what was true what wasn't, and what the law was. I was just not ready to deal with all that. So when I gave her back to her mom I felt like all that went back with her and all I can hope is that Ms S keeps learning and growing and does good.

So with all of this being said we should have at least learn something right.  And that is the good news this was all for something and it was a learning experiment.  I have ask myself lots of times why have I not had a chance or been able to have a child in 10 years of us together?  I can go on about this subject for years and what is not fare about it but I will save that for another day.  I will say this I look back on 10 years and think about all the children that do have a place in my heart, (let me explain)
-10 years ago I helped an old friend alot with her 4 kids, I was even there in the room when kid 4 was born and cut the cord, Me and J was there alot for those kids then
- 6 years ago we live in an apartment in Utah and this single mother with 2 little girls lived above us.  We helped her out alot with the girls and that Christmas we spent all our money that was saved to buy for each other and help give those girls a wonderful Christmas
- 2 years ago my sister Beka came to live with us for about 5 months.  It was some great fun and it was great to build that bond and what made it more special was she got to welcome J home from Iraq which is a memory we are share
- This year we got to take in Ms S and it was a great joy
PLUS all the kids I have babysitted for, nanny, been a nursery leader for or just let come over and spent the night

So what does all this mean... For me I look at all this has a great blessing.  If I would had gotten pregnant when I wanted to 9 years ago or so would I have made a difference in all these kids lives.  Would I have given so much to all these kids or would I have been busy with my family and not able to do has much has I can now.  I sit back and say I am glad I was able to do what I did and even though some of the kids I will never see again, I don't care I know I did something good.

The other thing we learn is that we can love any child.  We have talked about for years adopting or fostering to adopt programs but deep down J was always scared that he would not be able to look at a child given to him at any age and begin to love that child.  He fell in loved with Ms S and that was the first time to meet her so now he tells me he knows that he can love any child even if it is not blood.  I am thankful that he was able to realized that for I always knew he could but he had to find it within his own heart.  So we have put on our plans to try to foster to adopt but first we need to save some money and try to get some help for J issues then we will begin down that road.

Well, I am going to stop writing but here is a quote I found and fell in love with and reminds me to keep my head up
Fall, fall hard. And if you get your heart broken you will recover in time but the impact youre making on that child's life will never go away.
-

Sundays

Okay, I been thinking about writing this blog all week.  I feel like I need advise or help on things that will help me, not be so scared or how to "fit in".  I have loved moving all over the world don't get me wrong but the one thing that scares me and worries me the most is going to a new ward or church. I will make myself sick and get really bad anxiety attacks just thinking about the whole week before.  I know what I should do but I make myself so sick that I can't do it! Does that make any sense?

Let me explain something, I grew up in a small ward and lived in the same church till I was 18.  I love this ward and it was like a family.  I even move back to Buna to go back to the ward after I got married because I enjoy it.  And, that is the reason when Jeremy gets out of the Army I want to move back to Buna because I fell like that is my home! So, I never learn how to move and how to "fit in" in other wards and I guess I never realized it that I have trouble making friends.

Well, in 2005 we moved to Utah.  It never cross my mind on how different the church would be or that I would not "Fit in."  I never fit in, no one would even come say hi to me I just set in the back row every week and during Relief Society, I never felt so alone. Oh, every week they would come ask me my name for the roll but that was it, then after months they would try to guess which was worst in my book.   It got to a point that every week I would end up walking out of church in tears cause I felt so alone and going to church would just make me more home sick.  I just got what was the point going is all it did was make me more upset.  So, while Jeremy was at AIT I packed up our apartment and move back in with my Dad for a few months so I could be active in church.

Then in 2008 we moved to Huntsville, GA.  I was scared again about going to a new ward and how I would fit in.  Something I learn here was I felt like the main reason I could not make friends was because I don't have kids.  Every time we move the first question people ask "what about kids" and then when they found out we don't have kids I feel like "oh they are newlyweds and don't like kids so I have nothing in common with them" Which is not true and I feel like I am always being punished for not having kids.  I feel like the church always have "play dates" and alot of people make friends though their kids.  And here I am been marry for 10 years, 31 year old and I can't make friends cause everyone my age should have a kid.  So, I feel like I am punished for that.

So, the ward seem nice where one of the first things I got invited to was a bunch of wives would take their kids to the park, have a picnic and visit.  I explain that I dont have any kids but they beg that I come anyways, so I did hoping it would help me make friends and not be so scared.  Well, I remember sitting there while they talk about when they were pregnant and childbirth.  So, it was a backfire on me and I never felt like I should go to another one.  So, during this time I would go to church sit in the back and try to leave before anyone saw me.  I did not want to talk to people sometimes I would stay for all 3 hours but some times I would let my anxiety make me sick so I would have an excuses to leave.  I went so I could say I was there but did not want to be.

Well, during this time there was a couple of ladies that I have meet in Relief Society a few times that every time I saw them around town would stop and talk to me, ask me how I was doing and let me know if there was an activity soon or what was going on, to make sure I knew.  I hope these sisters realized how much this meant to me, cause I that point I realized that this was not like Utah they actually knew who I am and it felt good.  So, Jeremy was about to deployed in 4 months and the Military Missionaries came by like always but when talking with them said something about the wards needs people because a bunch of the guys were deploying and needs people.  Which I explain to them that I love working in primary and all my callings have been in nursery or teaching Sunbeams, that I would love to help out any time.  So, the next Sunday they introduce me to the one of the sisters that was in the Primary Presidency.  She explain to me that they actually was going to need a sub in nursery and ask if I would be willing!

Well, excited and scared all at the same time, but that was a blessing and what I needed.  I remember walking into the gym and meeting the lead teacher, M, and sitting about 16 kids playing on the floor, and was shocked cause I never seen a nursery so big.  I have to say that was my favorite Sunday in a long time.  During the next week I got stop at the grocery store by the Primary presidency if I could sub again in nursery the following week, and maybe for a few weeks after.  Smiling really big I said yes! So a couple of weeks later I got called to work in the nursery and it was a great joy.  M (the other teacher) became a good friend and help me get involved.  I also got to know a lot of the parents that had kids in nursery.  I love it and Sundays had actually went from my worst day to my favorite day of the week.  Not only did I go every Sunday now, but I did not feel shy any more and I went to Relief Society activities I started helping on Wednesday, and just got involved.  I had finally found another ward like my "home" ward.  I say thanks if you are reading this to everyone in Hinesville that became a friend!

Then I cried two years later when I had to leave that ward and the friends that I had made to go to Germany.   I was so scared that how it was over there.  I did not know if there would be a English/military branch or if I would be going a German ward.  Well, we was in a small ward that was both English and German.  They spoke both languages which made it very hard to pay attention.  At first I enjoyed the ward, every one seem nice and people was very helpful when Jeremy was in the hospital and we did not have a car.  I enjoyed the ward, we just did not get to go that often cause Jeremy was either at work or in the hospital.  Well, a few months later, we get told that people from the ward was talking about us and all this stuff about Jeremy and how he was faking to get attention.  At that point we also notice that no one talk to us anymore too.  Then I went to the PX where I ran into someone that looked at me shock, cause she said she was told that we had already left Germany.  I was frustated that people are talking about us so why would I want to go.  And, also we never went cause Jeremy was scared about having a seizure in church.

Well, now we are in San Antonio and I have looked it up we will be in the Woodlake Ward.  Why I know nothing of the ward I am scared for Sunday to come.  We have not been to church since we move here cause we did not have a car, then I did not know what ward to go to since we were in an hotel.
So, Sunday I am going but I am so scared.  Should I be scared to go to church? I am scared not knowing anyone, then I have to worry about Jeremy and how is he going to do.  Is he going to have a seizure in the middle of it and make a scene? Will he be able to enjoy it? Will he have a seizure when I am not around and they call 911?  What if he has a seizure during scarement, will it scare children? Okay, I am going to stop sorry for writing a book... I just had to get it off my chest!

Leaving Germany

Well, it is 11pm on this Monday and I am sitting in the dark looking out at the beautiful Germany landscape.  I just have too much emotion to sleep so I thought I would blog since I have not done it in a while.

Ten months ago when I sat at the Houston Airport waiting on my flight to fly over here to Germany, I was so scared out of mine mind.  All, I could picture about Germany was everything was different, the language, money, food, and for sure the driving.  When we talked about coming to Germany it seem like a excitement but then it soon hit me that I was not coming over here as a vacation but I would have to live here the excitement wore off.

So, I won't lie I did spend the first 2 months or so, crying every night that I wanted to go home (which I did not care if it was Fort Stewart or Texas) I just wanted out of Germany.  I felt like I could not leave post cause I did not know what anyone was saying or how their money worked.  I was afraid to go shopping and ride the bus.  The one thing I hated was going out to eat.  I hated paying 2 Euro for a glass of water that was mineral water so it was nasty.  Then for the first couple of months I would only eat a schnitzel and pommes (fries).

Then I got a car and begun driving a little around Schweinfurt and started to learn my way around and learn to enjoy shopping again.  Soon we begun going all around Germany and seeing the wonderful country.  I enjoyed getting that chance to go and see it.  I did have a list of places I wanted to go like Italy, Paris, Czech, Berlin, and Austria but with Jeremy's health issues we never got to leave Germany.  At first I was upset by that, but then I realized that when I graduated from Buna High and had my mind on leaving Buna, TX I never thought I would every go to Europe yet alone live there for almost a year.  So, I am happy that I had the chance I had to live over here and their will always be a love for Germany even though I am going back to the good ole USA!

So, I thought about writing down some of the things I will miss about Germany!

1) The beautiful country side.  It does not matter where you are driving or which way you go I just love to get in the car and go.  It is so beautiful and picture perfect.  It looks just like you see on post cards and in pictures.  Beautiful!

2) Well, I was never really a history bluff, but I always love to study about the places I have been.  Living over here has gotten me back into studying history and learn a lot more about the history.  I love how some of these castles and churches are so old even older then America.  It just seems so unreal, at how old some of the places are here.

3) The old cities.  Again with old stuff I know but I love how the cities are lay out.  You park your car and just wonder up and down the cobber stone streets shopping, site seeing or whatever you want.  They all have a center market which makes it nice and you just wonder from there and there is always good things to eat.

4)   The food! Yes, I know I said it was something I hate at first but then I fell in love with.  I will miss eating schnitzel, jager-schnitzel, European Pizza, Italian Eis, brats, doners, and pretzels. Oh, not to mention the candy...gummy stuff, chocolate, and ice cream.  But, I am craving some good Tex-Mex food!!

5) The driving!!! First of all the autobahn I thought would be scary was actually more fun.  I love the idea of going 80-90mph and not worrying about get pulled over.  That being said some times in towns the Germans suck at driving.  Now lets just see how many time people honk at me for waiting on a green light to turn right  or how long till my first ticket on the interstate.

6) The markets and shopping experiment.  I love how they celebrate everything and have a market full or shopping.   I am glad I got to experience one German Christmas and hope to bring some of the German traditions like St Nicholas day back with me to the US.  Also love Easter here too and I have a new love for how to decorate eggs.

Well, that is all I can think of now.  I do hope to come back here one day and see more places, but until then I will have the memories I made in these 10 months.  We keep joking that we should start saying and on our 20 year anniversary in 10 years (we hit 10 in August) that we should come back with our kids and tour the country.  So, we shall see!

Cupcakes!

Cherry 7-up and Raspberry Lemon-Aide

So a little over a year ago my husband got me for Christmas/Surviving Deployment Gift was a Kitchen-Aide Standing Mixer. He was really nervous about spending that amount of money on something he did not even know I would use. So I made a promise that I would use it as much as possible and and to try to make more things from scratch. And I am so happy to say since I have been here I have made every kind of bake good from scratch. I am proud of myself.

Anyways, I love all those baking shows: "The Cake Boss" "Ace of Cakes", "Cupcake Wars" and etc. They always make me want to try and get better in decorating and baking. So, at first I begin with trying to make cakes. I want to make the fancy font cakes, a couple of layers high and decorate. Well, that was unsuccessful due to I always end up with at least half of a cake on the floor because it is so moist it falls about in my hands. I also got tired of wasting all that money cause me and J don't eat much cake (actually I don't like it). Cake was also one of those things that you can't share easily, I did not feel right knocking on people's door with half a cake saying here you go! So me and J would eat 2 piece and throw the rest away.

So, then I seen lots of friends on Facebook and Pinterest doing lots of beautiful sugar cookies. So I thought that would be easy enough. And it was kinda! I have the recipe down for the sugar cookies and the icing that hardens so you can stack them. Also, cookies you can pass out and J can take them to work. So, that was going to be my new thing. Well, I found out I am not that good at it. My hand shakes really bad when I am trying to outline the cookies and hold and squeeze the bag that my lines start going all over the place. I don't have a steady hand to do the outline and if you don't outline them, it is hard to get them to look right. So, I could never get writing on them or drawing faces are anything right.

So, then I got me a book about cupcakes. Not just your normal favorite cupcakes but it is filled with all different kinds of cupcakes and different ways to decorate them. Now, I have fallen in love with doing cupcakes I can say that. I love trying different favors and extracts and getting different favors. Also you don't have to pipe that much, I mean I pipe the frosting on there but since you just do a circle it not has hard has the cookies. I was trying to make a different kind of cupcake every month but I have not been that successful but what I have is a start. So here are the ones I have done so far: Strawberry Cheesecake Cupcake with Cream Cheese Frosting, Rootbeer Float Cupcake and a cone with Rootbeer Buttercream frosting, Yellow cupcakes with Buttercream frosting that I tied-dyed, Cherry 7-Up Cupcake with Cherry 7-Up Buttercream frosting, and a Lemonaide Cupcake with a fresh Raspberry-Lemonaide Buttercream frosting. So, now what favors should I try next....?

Rootbeer Float in a Cone!

Neuschwanstein and Hohenschwangau Castle

President's weekend was a 4 day and we wanted to get out and see some of Germany before we are heading back to the US. So I said I would be really mad if I never got to see the Neuschwanstein Castle while I was here in Germany. So, we decide to do just that and make it an over night trip, kinda like a small get away. It was so pretty, like a fairy tale, all cover in snow. It was so much like a dream come true. I think I actually fell more in love with the Hohenschwangau Castle more then the Neuschwanstein castle. Also, our hotel room had a view of both of the castle, but that being said... Neuschwanstein the back of the castle was being worked on so that view was not that pretty. Anyways, here are some pictures from our stay! Enjoy!

PS If you would like to see the rest of the pictures here is the link:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150620912068117.411854.762033116&type=3&l=b4a38d0659

Christmas

This year for Christmas we decided that we was going to spend it together and have presents and everything for each other because we realized it has not been since 2006 they we have actually been home at our own house to do Christmas together!

2010 - We had Beka and was in Texas

2009 - Jeremy deployed right before Christmas

2008 - We spent Christmas in Disney World

2007 - He was in AIT and I was living in Texas so he come home for it

2006- We were in Utah! And we actually did Christmas together that year!

So this year we spent it together. We both agree to get each other ipods for Christmas because we both have been needing them and since I plan to go to the gym more often I thought it would be a good idea. Well we did not plan anything big for a meal or anything and then Thursday Jeremy found out there was some Single soldiers that had no place to go and plans were just to spend it hanging in their rooms so we said "No we will have a big dinner and come over and hang out and we will play games or what not." So I wanted to do a Turkey but there was no way to defrost and cook a turkey in 3 days. So trying to decide what would feed 5 people we went with Chickens. So we made 2 5lbs Oven Roasted Chickens, Green Bean Casseroles, Home made Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, Cranberries, and Stuffing. Also while I cooked I had pigs in a blanket to snack on, a meat and cheese plate, and devil eggs. Then for dessert it was my cupcakes and cookies that we still had. I think it turn out to be a lot of fun and those soldiers keep begging Jeremy when can they come back over to eat. So I guess it was good.

Anyways it was a nice Christmas and I was glad to be over here and learn some of the culture and traditions that goes on here in Germany and I hope to remember them when we head back to the US. We did miss all our friends and family though and hoped Everyone had a Merry Christmas! Here are some pictures!

Our Red & Silver Christmas Tree

Just some of the cookies I made!

I ended up making in ONE day: 42 decorate Sugar Cookies, 39 cupcakes,

40 Non-bake Oatmeal cookies and a whole bunch of Peanut Butter Balls!

I will NEVER try to make so much in one day EVERY again!

Okay I have to stop and explain something here. Up until December 20 we had only had some snow flurries once and they did not even stick to the ground at all. Well, December 20th Jeremy had to go to the DR in Landstuhl and he had to be at the bus stop at 5am that morning. Well, we got up at 4:30 to take him and I wait till he got on the bus and then came home to go back to bed around 5:30am. Anyways it was a nice morning: I notice it was very cold but the sky was clear the roads was clear it was not raining or nothing, A very nice morning! Well I woke up about 10am and the first thing I do is getting on facebook to see that someone posted "It Snowed". I am like what are they talking about it did not. So has I walk to my windows thinking no way. And what does my eyes see SNOW and LOTS of it. So here are some pictures I took right then. I am just so thankful the snow waited until after 5am to snow!!!

This is looking out our backyard at the playground!

This is looking out the front. LOTS of snow!

This was our OFFICIAL first snow fall on December 4 or 5!

I can't remember but it did not stay!

Christmas Markets

So here in Germany a big thing that starts in November and last till Christmas Eve and right before Christmas is Weihnachtsmarkt. Which is German for Christmas market! We did not get to go off and see some of the big ones due to Jeremy's health right now but we did get to spend some time at the one in town and the one in Wurzburg. It was neat but I don't really see the big deal. It is just a market area of little shops from toys, to scarfs, to Christmas ornaments, and then LOTS of food. We did get into collecting these little mugs they have there. See when you buy something to drink it is hot (they did not have like cola or anything). It was stuff like hot chocolate and hot spice drinks where they add wines or such to them.

Jeremy fell in love with the Kinder Punch. Kinder Punch is kinda like the punch they make for adults but it does not have alcohol so it is kinda like a kool-aide heated up and served hot. Well when you buy it they dont serve it in paper cups but ceramics mugs that say the market and the year. You pay 4 Euro for the drink and if you bring the mug back you get 2 Euro back but we never did that so now we have a collection of about 6 of them. We also got us a nativity set and 2 nutcrackers this year from the market. We also bought most of the presents that we sent back to Texas from the markets. Jeremy loved to go to the markets for the food me not so much other then the chocolate. OH MY GOSH! They dip EVERYTHING in chocolate over here: Chocolate cover: grapes, pineapple, strawberries, chili peppers, bananas, cherries, marshmallows, and pears are the things I can remember off the top of my head. The other big thing is roasted nuts and crepes, but I can't say I tried either of those. Our last time at the market here in Schweinfurt Jeremy got me to tried the Belgium waffle with powder sugar..and lets just say I was in LOVE! Now I want another one.

Anyways well, here is a couple of pictures from the markets for yall to enjoy!!!

This is the welcome sign for Wurzburg Market

Jeremy, Sarah & Justin (our neighbors) getting some Bratwurst!

Beautiful Christmas decoration down the alley

This is Schweinfurt Christmas Market and Their Christmas Tree

A not so busy day at the market you can see the little broths

I never thought I would Say this

So, for many of yall that know me or have been following my blog since the beginning know the real reason I begun to write on here. That reason was my way to deal with infertility and having was having so much stress and depression for feeling like I would never be able to have a child. Back then I was seeking a Infertility Doctor and was doing the whole tracking everything and on clomid and was really trying but not successful at all. Then Jeremy deployed and I had time to think and get myself together.

Then when we found out that we was going to go to Germany I been to do my research where I learned that it would be cheaper to do an IVF here. I am not up to the point of waiting to really do a IVF but we plan on focusing on starting over at step 1 and see if we will have any luck with a new doctor. That is what what on my mind and my first dr appointment here the first thing I mention that I wanted to get to a Reproduction Specialize. Well, that never happen and I am not making that appointment to bring that subject up, WHY? you ask

Well, since Jeremy has been having so many health problems and now he can't drive or for that matter do anything I don't think I should run off and TRY to get pregnant. It would just make things more stressful right now I feel. The other day the Dr ask if we have kids and Jeremy responded "No, thankfully" That is when it hit me, for years we have been praying and begging to have a child, but right now I am glad that the Lord knew what he was doing. He had a plan in all of this. I mean right now with Jeremy's seizures I sometimes have a lot of troubles watching it and I really could not think about what that would do to a child.

So I never thought I would say that I am thankful that the Lord knew what he was doing and right now we don't have a child. This being sad I am learning to live with that, but this does not mean I don't every want a child. Right now we are focusing on Jeremy and getting him better. Then we will go back to trying when the time is right. Also if we ended up having to get out and end up back in Southeast Texas we want to go and adopted children out of the foster care!

Well, I think I can finally say "Yes I have no children" and smile and not want to run off crying!

November

Sorry I have not written in a while. Things have been so crazy and I just can't get my thoughts together to write. So I thought I would finally sit down and write about what has been going on the last month or so.

My 31st Birthday

On the 14th of the month was my birthday and my neighbor's birthday was the 12th so we spent the weekend letting the guys wait on us. That Friday on the 12th we both went for a "Day at the Spa" experience. I got my a massage, facial, medicare, pedicure and it was nice. Then we did not really do anything big, Saturday night we went out to eat with our neighbors to this wonderful Italian place. I loved it. I have falling in love with bruschetta and pesto sauce. I total went vegetarian that night and had a pesto spaghetti. I have to say it was so good. I am not a big birthday celebration person cause it starts to get to me that we are getting older and still have not been able to have children.

Well then the night before my birthday Jeremy's pasting out spells were getting worst and he start shaking so he ended up going to the hospital that night and actually had to spend the week there. I was very upset to say the least I had to spend my birthday alone. But, it is all good.

But then 2 weeks later he ended up right back in the hospital. This time it was bad how he ended up there. We went up to the hospital to get a couple of his discharged papers and all the reports but while in the lobby he feel down and had a seizure. Everyone freak out and sent down The ER nurses who demanded that he has to go to the ER and get checked out. So finally agreeing they put him on a bed and was taking him up there and then all of a sudden he had another attack on the bed and lucky a couple of the nurses were able to hold him on the bed before he fell out. Then because of that they sent him straight to ICU and he had to stay over night there. But he got out the next morning and sent to a regular room for 3 more days. Just a little update we are still trying to figure out what exactly is going on with Jeremy these day. He is having Epilepsy seizures and they are being to show up on the EEGs but they are not matching the pattern that epilepsy seizures have. They have him taking 2 different Epilepsy medicine which right now has not helped at all. So hopefully we will find out soon what is going to happen. He is going to Landstuhl tomorrow so hopefully they help us get answers.

Driving

So a couple months ago between Jeremy's trip to the hospital I went to take the Driver's Test here in Germany to see if I could pass it on the first time and Guess what...I DID! So now I have had my German license for a month and half but was still neveous about actually having to drive in German. I mean I learn what the signs means but taking the meanings in effect is another story. Well, my neighbor has a car and he has his license but she does not yet so he is always driving us around when he is off work. So a couple of weeks ago he let me take the wheel so I would learn how to drive. It was not that bad. So the next day I took me and his wife to the library and PX so yeah I am getting use to driving in Germany slowly.

Well, then Friday the car we are thinking about buying arrived in Germany so I needed to take it for a test drive. I was thinking a test drive just around the block and stay on post. Well the car dealer was like take it for a drive get on the autobahn and down town I was like no way. So I convince my neighbors cause he somewhat knows his way around and is used to driving in Germany. So he help me get there we drove off post and down the road and jumped on the Autobahn that goes around Schweinfurt. Then took the 2nd extra to get back into Schweinfurt which bought me into it on the other size of town where I have never been. Now I was really scared lost in a new car in town. But guess what?! I did it and did not cry!! I was really proud of myself! So I did it! Not so bad! Soon I will be driving all over the place.

Krankenhaus

Krankenhaus is a place you don't want to be! Krankenhaus is the word for hospital. Yes that is right I am writing a blog about hospitals!! Jeremy has spend a totally of 11 nights in the past 3 weeks so I have had to learn all about KRANKENHAUS! So I just thought I would share!

* Their rooms are semi-private! Which means your bed is 2 foot from someone else's bed and there is no curtain or anything in the middle. You can bay 50EUR for a private room but that adds up. 11 nights @ 50 EUR a night = 550 EUR which is $747.39 USD. And I don't have that kind of money.

* After the age of 11 you can not have any one stay the night with you. As the DR told me, he is fine in the hospital with nurses and DR and don't need family there.

* Dinner is served at lunch and lunch at Dinner! Confused?! Germans eat a bigger lunch and a small dinner, so Jeremy is starving every night.

* The food sucks!!!! For Breakfast you get pastries. That is all Germans eat for breakfast anyways stupid pastries. (Sorry never was a fan of pastries.. I want eggs, bacon, and hash-browns so bad!!!!)

- For Lunch is when you get real food has Jeremy says. Normally it is a meat and some kind of potatoes dumplings or something then a side salad.

- Dinner - the the worst meal. All it is 2 pieces of wheat bread, a tray with a couple of slices of some kind of lunch meat like salami or cold cuts, and then if you are lucky you get cheese (only sometimes they put cheese on there) Then some Joghurt (Yogurt) and maybe a soup. Boring!!

* Doctors only come around once a day. So you just sit there in the bed all day waiting to see what happens. The nurses will never tell you anything either if you try to ask them. They just say "I don't know"

* You know those cute scrubs that the nurses wear in the US with cartoon characters and all that on them? Well here you don't see any of those you just see a LOT of white. That is right every one wears WHITE. The nurses wear white top and white pants and the nurses wear the same just will have the white DR coat over that. So you never know really you are seeing some kinds because everyone is in white!

* After about 8- 9 pm they shut the hospital down just about. They make you turn off the light in your room and then will turn off the light in the hallways and all that. The hospital will start to get really scary then.

* Also you are not just given a room number like 503, like in the states. And normally in the states that means like the 5th floor and then you just find their room. Here you are put into wards (or stations) then you have a room number. So that is the information you need to find someone in the hospital. Like last time Jeremy was in Ward 11 Room 14 and this time he is in Ward 12 Room #4.

Okay, that is about all I can think about right now.. I miss the wonderful USA! lol

Poor Health

Okay, sorry I have not updated about our wonderful time in Germany, things are just not going that wonderful the past 3 weeks. Before this though we did take a fun trip to Potterstein and I went to Bamberg. I maybe later will post some pictures of those time but right now I fell like talking about our past 2-3 weeks.

Jeremy

I will start with him well 2 times before I came to Germany he was put in the hospital because he was having abdomen pains at work and they got so bad that he passed out. Both times in the hospital they were never able to figure out a cause for the pain and said he just passed out due to the pain. Well, September 16 he was in pain at work but it was manageable then on the 17 he was off work due to us getting our Household stuff. That morning he was not feeling good but they came early and had our bed set up by noon. So Jeremy went and laid down and me and the neighbor worked on the house and started unpacking. At 4pm he thought he felt better and was going to go down the street and get us some German pillows. But, he only maid it to the couch because he was in so much pain after getting up. Well about 730pm he got up again to get something to drink and I was on the computer in the living room. All I heard was him hitting the floor and I could see his legs on the ground. I went and tried everything to wake him and I could tell he was breathing so I did not panic to bad. But, after about 10 minutes of me not being able to wake him I called my neighbors over to see what I should do. (Plus I did not know the number to 911) After he saw him and could not get him to wake up he decide to call it in and said that he needs to at least be looked after. Well, the paramedic came and said he needed to go to the hospital so they took us to the hospital. well, that night in the ER they gave him pain medicine though an IV and decide to keep him over night and would decide Tuesday morning what they were going to do. Well, Jeremy ended up staying till Saturday they ran every time of blood test, 24hr Urine, blood pressure and EKG, and nothing. The DR said he tested for Gallstones, kidney stones, Appendix and also rare diseases and could not find anything.

Well, he was off from work Sunday but Monday went back to work. He was doing okay but still we hurting and not feeling well. So then Wednesday he went to sick call to see a DR because his CO wants him to go to Landstuhl which is an Army hospital 4 hours away. Well that morning on the way he passed out on the bus on the way to the DR and he said he remembers sitting there then the next thing he knew 4 soldiers looking over him. So they help him get to the clinic. Well, he saw the DR and she really did not say anything just put a refer in and put him on light duty and he can't drive a car, ride a bike or do anything like that. So now we are just waiting on the refer. Thursday morning while getting ready for work he passed out and then he did it today at church. Just sitting there at church listening next thing he knew he was on the ground with 4 people looking at him.

So I hope we can get an appointment at Landstuhl soon and they are able to figure this all out. It is really stressing me out cause I hate for him to walk to the store or anything cause we never know when he will pass out. His unit has been mentioning chaptering him out for this or giving him a medically discharge. At first he was really upset about either one but now if it happens then let it be, we will figure out what to do then right now we just have to figure out what is going on. So wish that we found out the problem.

ME

Okay I was not going to do this on the internet but I just want to type it so here it is:

Okay I am goign to keep my issue simple I dont want to dwell on it. ANd MALE READERS you might not want to read it but I am going to keep it simply.

Okay so everyone knows I can't have kids and I have a lot of female issues but the past 3 weeks have been a new adventures. For the past 3 weeks I have been bleeding and cramping the worst I have every had in my life. I never had bad periods but this is crazy. I am tired of hurting and the cost of 3 boxes of pads a week. I am just so tired of it. So I went in to talk with a nurse last Friday (the 23rd) because I could not get an appointment with a DR until Oct 11th. Well, the nurse panic and told me to go to the ER (keep in mind this day I did this Jeremy was still in the hospital) which I told her I could not go to the ER today. Well she went and explain my history to a DR who had the NERVE to come in there and tell me I was having a miscarriage. The DR told me that there was not reason to go to the ER unless it gets worst just to take some BC and take ibuprofen for pain. So now it has been another week and still the same problems I just keep taking the BC and ibuprofen for the pain each day and it helps the pain but every morning and night I start cramping again.

So between what is going on between my husband and me we have not had time to think. We just look at each other laugh cause we lay in pain and wish we were home. Sorry Germany is so not winning us over!! And if I am having a miscarriage I did not know and I don't even want to think about it, I keep telling myself it is probably something else cause I don't want to dwell on it.

So anyways sorry i wrote a book but I feel like we been ran over and ran over and I am just so ready to go home. Don't feel sorry for us we are holding it together both of us keep stressing over the other one but together we know we will figure out both of our problems (just hoping sooner then later) I promise my next post will be more CHEERFUL!!!!

Wurzburg

So, In August one weekend we decide to go for a few hours to visit another city and walk around and do a little site seeing. So after looking at a few towns around here and what is in Bavarian (the state that we live it) we decide to go to Wurzburg. Wurzburg is an old nice city, bigger then Schweinfurt. So what did we do we got up Saturday morning and hope on a TRAIN!

About 30 minutes later we arrived at the city of Wurzburg

Here is a piece of the Castle which we did not visit this trip..

Decide to save something for next time

So we took a stroll downtown to the market area and just kinda wonder around for awhile because the English tour we wanted to go on did not start for awhile.

Here is a picture of downtown with the streetcar!

We decide to eat Lunch downtown too. So we had this wonderful pizza.

Here is a picture of the pizza and for everyone wondering those rounds things are just thick slices of tomatoes with cheese over theme.

This is the reason we chose to go to Wurzburg. This is the view we saw has we were walking up onto it. This is called the Residenz of Wurzburg. They also had a beautiful garden around it. But, I could not take pictures inside so Sorry I don't have any.

This is a picture of the gate to get into the garden! Beautiful!

Here we are in the side garden and that is the SIDE of the Residenz..

Sorry not the best picture but it was the best I could do with a Self Timer

This is the back of the Palace with the full garden back here to.

A Self Timer picture of us again at the back of it!

A beautiful church that we went found!

Another church that we saw.

Here is the inside of it.. BEAUTIFUL

Art work on the ceiling but it was pretty with the light shinning in

Another Church that was downtown right in the market area

The inside of that church

Over all the trip was fun but my feet hurt and I was so tired on the way home. We will defiantly make a trip back there to see more but for now that was fun.

New Updates to Come

Okay sorry I stopped updating but the internet that I was getting free would always come and go and I could never get a good signal. I tired once to update and after typing 2 paragraphs the internet died and I lost it so I stopped trying. So, now I finally have phone and internet and will be able to get on all the time and update so look forward to updates, I have a lot to say...lol.

Anyways I am too tired tonight to write and tomorrow we are going hiking and sight seeing in some cave. So Sunday I will finally be able to update... I will return shortly...

Week One

Okay, so I have now been over here in Germany for ONE whole week. Sorry, I stopped updated daily because I did not really have a lot to say. Most of this week I just stayed home while Jeremy was at work. I did Wednesday walk over to the PX, ACS, and library which I realize are a mile away. So go me.. I walked 2 miles that day. So, I really have not done much to write about or even take pictures of. I will say I miss Fort Stewart and their PX and Commissary. I used to complain about them but here it is smaller then those I think if I walked into Fort Stewart's PX now It would feel so big. Here you dont have much pick for things, they call it the "Schweinfurt Pick" cause they might just carry one of 2 favorites of something. Like my Poweraide that I love they only carry 4 different favors. So I can't be so picky anymore.

Anyways, today Jeremy was off and so was his SGT and his wife took us around town and showed us some stores that will help us get comfortable in our home and really make it a home. They took us to this first store and to me it was just like an IKEA, 3 stories going around with the show rooms and all that. So we found some things there. And then we went across the parking lot to XXXL (yes that is the name of the store, dont ask me if they really try to say it like that) and again it was a totally home furnishing store but this one was higher but man it had some nice stuff. The we went to another store but this was more like an food store. It was cool though to look at the food and try to figure out what it is.

Then tonight we decide to go out and actually try a restaurant since we have yet tried one. I been too chicken to try one. But, tonight I like Jeremy talked me into it but we agree I would try an Italian place... I mean you can't go wrong with pasta. That should be pretty easy to order from. Then we went next door to an Ice Cream shop and had dessert before we made the mile walk back to the house. I walk about 2 miles every day.

Well, here are my facts that I learned today:

* You have to deposit money into this machine on the cart at stores to be able to get a cart when walking around the store... when you return the cart it gives you your EUR back.

* Euros are not written like our money... They don't use decimal like if something is $9.99 in the store it is written has 9,99 Which for the longest confused me cause if I see a cloma I think thousands

*Again they don't bag your stuff they just scan it and push it to a side of the registrar for you to bag.

*Water cost at a restaurant... and you don't get free refills even on the water... it cost us for 2 glasses of water 3 EUROS... which is about $4.50 USD

* Waiters, and Waitress don't expect a tip here you can tip them but it is not like in the US

* Oh in case you are wondering GAS is 1,50EUR a LITER, so before you get excited look to see how many liters make a gallon. That will be the price of gas for you!

* At the food stores you bring your plastic bottles back and can recycle them and they actually give you money back for them

*Shopping is a little harder here cause it is hard to tell what something is when it is written in German so sometimes you are just figuring it out

* German beds are low on the ground and a different size then our beds. Most of their beds are just platform with a thin mattress.

Well, that is all I can think about right now, tomorrow we are going to go to the city of Wurzburg. We are going to take the train and maybe go check our this place that to me is like a castle. So stay turn for that account and pictures!!!

Downtown & The Market

Well, Yesterday (Saturday) was my first full day in Germany. I was hoping today I would begin not to feel so lost and confused. Jeremy has a routine that every Saturday he goes downtown to the markets to get his produce and meats for the month. Also, we needed to find a company that we can set an phone and internet with. So, I decided to go with him downtown and get out of the house. We walked to where the cabs are then took a cab downtown, we were going to take a bus back but the wait was too long so we took a cab back to. We also went to the mall while we was downtown walking around. After downtown and the market we came back home and rest for a little while then Jeremy took me over to Ledward Barracks and showed me where the ACS, library, PXextra, PX and shopette was. It was a lot of walking but I made it.

So here are some of the things I notice today about Germany:

*While they have a BIG sidewalk to walk on there is a line down the middle because one side is for bikes and the other for people

* Euros- I don't know if I will every figure this out

* When you buy something in any store they do not give you bags they just hand the stuff back to you. You see alot of people with baskets and backpack.

* Dogs everywhere - it is nothing to walk in a clothing store and see people with their dogs in there

* Fresh produce market smells wonderful

* Driving in Germany is starting not to look has scary has I thought it would be

*Fresh Bakery smell amazing and the breads looks so wonderful

* It is weird to walk into a German store and see stuff we are use to but it written in German, like Oreos or Ritter Chocolate.

*Keyboards are different! At the internet store the guy needed our email address so he handed me the keyboard and I went to type but could not find the shift key or the "Y" key. The guy saw what I was looking for and showed me the "Y" key is on the bottom row that is when it hit me oh yeah this is a German keyboard!

* I miss AC! Just wanted to say that! But I do love the weather here!

* Oh yeah, I never know what time it is... it stay bright outside till like 9pm and at 6:30am this morning it was bright outside again... I did not believe what time it was...which is why I am up at 7am writing this. lol

Well, I don't have anything else to say right now but keep checking back I will be adding pictures soon!

I hate Airplanes!!!!

Well, I have decide this blog I would write about my adventure here in Germany. So here is the first day!

I hate airplanes and never want to do this again...lol. but I guess one day I will have to head back to the US one day.

So my first flight from Hobby to Dallas/Fort Worth was great! I got to sit by myself and by the window and it only being 45 minute flight just sit back and enjoy the ride. Then in Dallas I decided instead of riding the skylink I would just walk since I had the time. Bad mistake it was a LONG walk. But, hey I made it and check in to make sure that was the right flight. They were going to start boarding in a few minutes so got me a power aide and call some family and then prepared to board the plane. I was nervous but this military family behind that were returning to Germany from an vacation in the US help easy my nerves cause the 4 year old keep talking to me and the 13 year old was telling me what she loves about living in Germany. So that helped.

Well, I got on the plane and my seat was 36G which is an aisle seat. Anyone that knows me well knows that I can't stand sitting next to strangers and the idea of being stuck in the middle would scare the living daylights out of me so I ask when the Army book my ticket. Well I found my seat and a little boy was sitting in it. I kinda looked at the parent sitting 2 seat over and before I said a word she said "Yes, I know that is NOT his seat but he is sitting there, so go find your own seat" First of all I am shocked on how rude this person was I mean without asking or anything. So I get the Steward to come over. She repeats the statement and is shocked too. So he was finally able to find out that the little boy seat was behind that row but in the middle. So the steward ask if I would mind sitting there.

My worst fear was about to happen, stuck sitting between 2 old guys. I was standing there thinking how in the world am I going to be able to squeeze in here they each had their stuff on the floor in front of them and worst how am I going to get out to walk around or go to the rest room? Well the guy on the right stood up and there was some empty seat so he ask and the the steward said he can sit there unless someone else comes on. Well, they said that was everyone so I lucked out and got an aisle seat. That was so nice. Well, because of all that I did not realized after I got settle that it was past time to take off should have been 2:30. The captain came on and said that he was sorry we were supposed to leave 10 minutes ago but they are trying to fix a part. Then at 3 he came back and said that they don't have the part and would have have to go get it across the airport so we will take off at 3:30. Great an whole hour on the plane and yet left. lol.... Anyways still was not fix then but we finally got off the ground at 4:16 .. a whole 2 hours after we were supposed to leave.

During the flight it was okay other then the family in front of me .. the little boy keep jumping and banging the seat back, and him and his sister keep screaming and hitting the call button. The Steward had to come over lots of times and ask them to sit and be quiet. The mother had headphones on and sleeping. But anyways when we got to Germany we spent 30 minutes up in the air circling around waiting on our turn to land. I never thought I would see land again...lol

Anyways, I was nevous and just follow the people to get though custody and baggage claim. Then I had no clue where to go to meet Jeremy cause unlike the US they can't even get into the baggage area. But, lucky he was right out there. So then we went to USO and waited on the bus to give us a ride to the base. Which was nice with internet and free calls but it was the middle of the night in the US.

So on the bus for about the first 30 minutes I was enjoying the ride and the beauty but I was so tired I slept. There was no one in the back of the bus with us so I laid across two seats and slept the rest of the way just waking up once when we went though this town.

So we got to base and got me check in, my ID fix so we can get me on post, get ficancial fix, and went and got my welcoming package. I was so hungry and across the street was Burger King so that is where we ate a late lunch. Yeah my first meal in Germany was Burger King, how lame am I...lol. Anyways after that we came to the house and I slept for HOURS! So that is my story of my journey to this new world...lol

Time is Running Out

So, it is the end of July and I feel so stressed because things have been so crazy. Last week I went in and had some oral surgery done that I been needing to do for a long time. Also Jeremy was in the hospital in Germany. So talk about 2 people worrying about each other and not what they are going though...lol. Anyways, Things are better, he is out of the hosiptal and I am recovering quiet well, just having a tough time learning how to eat again since the surgery.

Anyways... Big news I decide when I am going to GERMANY... and I leave in 10 days!!! YES TEN DAYS!!!! It has not hit me yet, just now starting too. I start to feel overwhelm cause there is still so much I want to do before I head there but I am just so ready to settle and Unpack...living out of a suitcase gets old. I will be glad to say I am home!! I just got to sell my car before then, so that is what most of my stress is about right now, so hopefully someone will buy it! Anyways...Can't believe that my time here in Texas is ending and I am off to GERMANY! WOW! Don't seem real. I never would believe that me, a country girl from small town Buna, Texas would live in another country. I never even thought I would visit another country, yet live there! Well, I guess I am ready for this adventure!

Children

So, I posted something the other day about this subject but it is still heavy on my heart and I have a lot to say about it. I can't wash the news anymore. Every night there has been some story about a precious child that has been killed or abused some way. One night it was the mother pour boiling water on the girls legs, next was a story about dropping the child off like garbage on the side of the interstate, and this is just terrible that this is happening. I would do anything to have a child. I wished I could tell these people "hey before you do something terrible and hurt the child just give them to me and I wont ask any questions and you can stay out of jail and live your terrible life. But, I guess I can't do that...but only wished! I really really wished that I could build a huge house and give all the children that are not love and are abused a wonderful home filled of happiness and teach them what a real family is about. Children deserve the world and I hope one day I am able to help children that are not well off so that they can go though life making right choices and know that they can have a wonderful life and that they are loved!

Also when thinking about this: I do all I can to help children that I see and wonder if that is the lesson I am supposed to learn by not being able to have children right now. Someone once told me that I should think about all the children I have helped in my life and if I have had a child all this time would I have done anything for them or would I not have the money or time to help others. I love helping and I do hope one day to adopted children that need a home!

Here is a song I LOVE

"I am A Child of God"

I am a child of God

and he has sent me here

has given me an earthly home

with parents kind and dear

Lead Me, Guide me,

Walk beside me

Help me find the way

Teach me all that I must do

To Live with Him someday!

Updates

Sorry I could not come up with a better title then update but that is really what this just a update.

*Well, Jeremy got a house and he has been busy making it not just a house but a HOME!! We are going to be living on post on the second floor or a stairwell building. Now I am excited to decorated!

*He finally found the ward there and was able to go. It is very different but that could be a good thing. They do everything in English and then translation it in German. So maybe I will be able to learn it sitting in church. Going to a new ward is always my HARDEST part of moving. I hate that new ward feeling. It always makes me feel homesick until I get to know people and it becomes my home! So, with Jeremy getting comfortable first maybe I wont have has much trouble.

*I will be getting ready to head over there soon. Right now I am going to get some dental work done that I have not had the money for. Once that is done then I will be heading over there. Hopefully by the first of August!

I guess that is all that has been going! My life is kinda boring but yet exciting all at the same time!