Okay I am might say some things in this blog that might hurt people's feelings if you are pregnant or has a baby. I never want to hurt anyone but I have to say what is on my chest. Please read it and this is not to hurt anyone feelings but if you think I am rude and being mean then feel free to stop reading it cause you have been warned!!!!!!
Okay here is the dear, while I have a LOVE for Facebooking and love to be on facebook 24/7 (I even bought a new phone so I can always get on no matter where I am at) lately I have HATED it! I don't know how to say this but there has been so much pregnancy talks on facebook, it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant. If you are one of these people then I really mean this congratulations and yes I am happy for you. Children are great and wonderful and creating life is a wonderful blessing. But while everyone is celebrating those that are pregnant, I have also seen some sad pregnancy news lately. I still have to sit back and think about the handful (and you know who you are) that are unable to make that post, see the 2 pink lines, and have taken more medicines and keep wishing, hoping and praying that our day will come.
Years ago after me and Jeremy got married I thought I was alone in the world. I never knew that their was others that have trouble getting pregnant. Everywhere I looked people got pregnant so easy, I never meet anyone that had trouble. I hated getting ask all the time those famous questions of "when are you going to have kids?" or "Don't you want children?" I ignored everything and stayed busy and kept coming up with excuses and reasons why is was not the time for us. Now 7 years later I can't ignored it anymore.....I WANT ANSWERS!!!!! AND I WANT THEM NOW!!!!!
But though facebook reconnecting with all high school friends and some people that I have meet around Fort Stewart I have found out that I am not alone in this world. While I would never want any other couple to go though what I go though it is nice to know you are not alone which some times I feel that way. And even if I am down I hope I can help others and lift their spirits. I try not to think about me and my problems and try to be helpful to others and be happy for others, but sorry if one day I don't seem to excited or feel bad for you that you have morning sickness. (Okay sorry I guess that was mean to say) But I would "die" for that!
So anyways, I don't know where I am going with this post. I guess I dont know what to say I cried my eyes out writing that much. Oh, I know my next point was going to be.
I have to say I am excited about going to Texas but yet at the same time getting anxiety about it. Yes, I want to go see my family and friends and my old ward but the same time I hate it. I know I will get ask and I always do by someone in the family, at church or around town that just has know why I don't have any kids and when I plan on having some. Yes I want to scream just thinking about it so If you are reading this and might see me DON"T ASK! I never figure out why people actually ask these questions anyways. Are they really THAT nosy that they gotta know how you plan on living your life. Okay there I go again being mean sorry!
Anyways, oh another note. I love children and just because I don't have children don't mean I don't want to be around them. I feel like some times people think just because I don't have children and they do that I don't want to be their friend or anything. Being in Nursery at church has been one of the best things that has help me since I been at Fort Stewart. Cause I just love being around them and I love doing children activities. So this is a shout out to my friends here if you every just want another adult around or when you go to the park or whatever just let me know I will meet up with you. I love going to the parks and put put golf, and all kinds of kids friendly stuff but when you are alone you feel out of place at those places. So anyways just because I don't have kids don't mean I don't want to be around them. I used to have a friend when we lived in Utah that I would call whenever I got sad or wanted to do something child like. I would call and tell her I am coming to get the kids and would take them for a hour or so. Some times it was stuff like just to go get ice cream cones at McDonalds, or to go run around the park on a pretty day, or this is the one killing me now a G rate (children's show) (I love Disney cartoons) and I just need a child so I don''t look weird going to the movie. But please don't think I am a werido.... I am just some one that loves children and since I don't have my own right now I want to give to every other child I see around!
Okay so I will shut up now.... Sorry for goign on and on and on. I just love to type and some times when things are brothering me I like to write them out. So thanks for reading this and I feel 20 x better now just writing this off my chest. I guess that is the point of this!
Oh, and if you are wondering where I got the title for this post from check out this video. It made me cry and started the thinking of all this!
1 comments:
Mandy,
I know exactly what you mean by seeing all the pregnancy posts on facebook. I just blogged about that myself about 2 weeks ago, or less. I also know that earlier this week, I was one of those who posted excited baby news. What I haven't posted, but that several by now have figured out, is that I am going to miscarry this baby. The pain is unimaginable, and it's such a terrible thing for anyone to have to go through.
From experience,though, I'm not going to sit back and say "When it's your turn..", or "God will give you a baby. It's all in His time...".. yadda yadda yadda... I despise those statements sometimes. They are cliche, and they really don't make you feel any better. I also know people mean well, and probably don't know what else to say. What i can offer is to pray for you and Jeremy. I pray that maybe this year, while Jeremy's gone, you can figure out what's going on, and be ready to make that baby when he comes home.
I wish I knew the words to make you feel better, and if someone ever says them to me, I'll let you know! You hang in there.
I would die for that too. As would several members in my family who are plagued with infertility, and will never be able to have any of their own. We're right there with you...
Melissa
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