I would Die for That

Okay I am might say some things in this blog that might hurt people's feelings if you are pregnant or has a baby. I never want to hurt anyone but I have to say what is on my chest. Please read it and this is not to hurt anyone feelings but if you think I am rude and being mean then feel free to stop reading it cause you have been warned!!!!!!

Okay here is the dear, while I have a LOVE for Facebooking and love to be on facebook 24/7 (I even bought a new phone so I can always get on no matter where I am at) lately I have HATED it! I don't know how to say this but there has been so much pregnancy talks on facebook, it seems like EVERYONE is pregnant. If you are one of these people then I really mean this congratulations and yes I am happy for you. Children are great and wonderful and creating life is a wonderful blessing. But while everyone is celebrating those that are pregnant, I have also seen some sad pregnancy news lately. I still have to sit back and think about the handful (and you know who you are) that are unable to make that post, see the 2 pink lines, and have taken more medicines and keep wishing, hoping and praying that our day will come.

Years ago after me and Jeremy got married I thought I was alone in the world. I never knew that their was others that have trouble getting pregnant. Everywhere I looked people got pregnant so easy, I never meet anyone that had trouble. I hated getting ask all the time those famous questions of "when are you going to have kids?" or "Don't you want children?" I ignored everything and stayed busy and kept coming up with excuses and reasons why is was not the time for us. Now 7 years later I can't ignored it anymore.....I WANT ANSWERS!!!!! AND I WANT THEM NOW!!!!!

But though facebook reconnecting with all high school friends and some people that I have meet around Fort Stewart I have found out that I am not alone in this world. While I would never want any other couple to go though what I go though it is nice to know you are not alone which some times I feel that way. And even if I am down I hope I can help others and lift their spirits. I try not to think about me and my problems and try to be helpful to others and be happy for others, but sorry if one day I don't seem to excited or feel bad for you that you have morning sickness. (Okay sorry I guess that was mean to say) But I would "die" for that!

So anyways, I don't know where I am going with this post. I guess I dont know what to say I cried my eyes out writing that much. Oh, I know my next point was going to be.

I have to say I am excited about going to Texas but yet at the same time getting anxiety about it. Yes, I want to go see my family and friends and my old ward but the same time I hate it. I know I will get ask and I always do by someone in the family, at church or around town that just has know why I don't have any kids and when I plan on having some. Yes I want to scream just thinking about it so If you are reading this and might see me DON"T ASK! I never figure out why people actually ask these questions anyways. Are they really THAT nosy that they gotta know how you plan on living your life. Okay there I go again being mean sorry!

Anyways, oh another note. I love children and just because I don't have children don't mean I don't want to be around them. I feel like some times people think just because I don't have children and they do that I don't want to be their friend or anything. Being in Nursery at church has been one of the best things that has help me since I been at Fort Stewart. Cause I just love being around them and I love doing children activities. So this is a shout out to my friends here if you every just want another adult around or when you go to the park or whatever just let me know I will meet up with you. I love going to the parks and put put golf, and all kinds of kids friendly stuff but when you are alone you feel out of place at those places. So anyways just because I don't have kids don't mean I don't want to be around them. I used to have a friend when we lived in Utah that I would call whenever I got sad or wanted to do something child like. I would call and tell her I am coming to get the kids and would take them for a hour or so. Some times it was stuff like just to go get ice cream cones at McDonalds, or to go run around the park on a pretty day, or this is the one killing me now a G rate (children's show) (I love Disney cartoons) and I just need a child so I don''t look weird going to the movie. But please don't think I am a werido.... I am just some one that loves children and since I don't have my own right now I want to give to every other child I see around!

Okay so I will shut up now.... Sorry for goign on and on and on. I just love to type and some times when things are brothering me I like to write them out. So thanks for reading this and I feel 20 x better now just writing this off my chest. I guess that is the point of this!

Oh, and if you are wondering where I got the title for this post from check out this video. It made me cry and started the thinking of all this!

Snowing in Fort Stewart, GA

Wow it snowed today that is hard to believe that. It is like Southeast Texas here never snows but once in a blue moon. So, yeah we had a good 2 inches of snow here tonight. You know you are in the south when it snows everyone runs out of their house and stands in the street to admire the snow. I guess I would be like that if it was not for living in Utah for almost 2 years. But I did go out in the street and enjoy the snow too. So now it has stopped snowing and it is just freezing. Jeremy was sad that he had to miss it! But oh well! Anyways, we have past the 60 day mark and is doing good in that area! So here is the pictures from the snowy night in Fort Stewart, GA.

Snowing is Falling all Around

On the housetop on the ground

Snow is falling all around
On my head, hands and toes
(Me in the snow)

My car and carport!

The BIG 5-0

Okay, no it is not anyone's birthday today. But I did realized today is that today we hit day 50 in this deployment. Yeah, nothing really to celebrate I mean when you talk about a year 50 days seem like no time but it is a good start, I am proud I have made it this far without any major breakdowns. I have learned alot about myself in this 50 days and I think Jeremy has too. I am proud of making it this far, they say the first month is the hardest cause you got to get used to doing things alone but now I am starting to get into routines so it is getting so much easily. I am also finding some joys in Jeremy being gone. I have found that I love making him surprises and crafty things and putting together care packages. So I keep myself from missing him by thinking of new things I can make and send him. Yes, I do still miss him but this is just easily for me to deal with. Anyways, I still got a lot of goals that I want to do while Jeremy is gone and have not made much (if any) of the goals even started. I really need to start working on losing weight and walking. Anyone every wants to go for a walk just let me know I will go too. I just bought Dancing With the Stars video because I love dancing from when I was in high school and would love to find a place around here to go take dance classes with others. But until I figure that out I can do it in my house for now. Also I got the Biggest Loser Last chance workout so we will see how that goes. Well, everything is going good and I am glad that we have pasted the 50th day marked. YAY ME! (Sorry watching Suite Life on Deck)

I Miss This But Not That

Okay, so here is the deal I have not been writing as much anymore cause I don't know why?! I guess I have been dealing better with Jeremy being gone and stuff so did not know what to really write. So anyways yeah I have been trying to keep myself busy as you can say. I been working in the nursery at my church and just LOVE it!!!!!! I love the smiles and giggles or these boys and girls. They are so sweet! So yeah I been doing that and also been helping my friend by volunteering up at the ACS in the AFTB program. So yeah I been doing stuff and staying out of the house. So yeah everything is going good, and Jeremy is doing good also!

So here is the point of this post:
The I Miss but Not That:

I Miss:
1) Jeremy's cooking - he can make some good meatloaf, and porkchops that I will actually eat since I am a picky eater!
2) I miss how Jeremy always filled up the car with gas I never had to worry about it..... (I know within the next year I will probably run out of gas somewhere cause I never think about checking and seeing)
3) I miss having my live TV guide...Jeremy can name off all the shows we watch together and what time they come on and on what days and what channels. I used to never miss a show! But now I forget and every night looking it up to see what comes on! LOL!
4) I love that I had some one to take care of the yard and dog. I am not very good at those things. I don't do yard work very good and I have never been a dog person! LOL!
5) I miss having Jeremy to listen about my day and make me stop stressing and getting depressed and could always make me smile and relax.
6)I miss having some one in bed to talk to me and lay with me!
7) I miss having some one to go eat out with and go to the movies with. I got a list of movies coming out I want to see but don't want to go along...like Dear John and definitely Eclipse I got to find some friends that will go with me for that one!!!! Hint Hint Anyone??!?!?!
8) I miss having my partner to go shopping with. Yes my husband loves to shop so it was normal for us some Saturdays just to go to Savannah just to walk around the malls have lunch normally in the food court and just browse though never buying anything just a day of relaxing out of the house and having fun!
9) I miss site seeing with my partner! Yes we go to the Old historical places around here, zoos or just any thing free or cheap and site see the area. our it might just be hoping in our car and driving down some back road giving us time to talk and see good ole' Georgia!
10) I JUST MISS HIM!!!! Enough said!

Anyways, with that being said here are some things I DON'T miss!

1) I don't miss having to be force into watching Wrestling, or some sport game! LOL!
2) I don't miss being kicked out of a queen size bed cause my husband and 8.5 lbs dog takes up the whole bed
3) I don't miss having to clean up your dishes after you get in the kitchen and got bored so creative something strange to eat! LOL! yes my husband goes in the kitchen and throws this and this and this in a pot then adds some noddles and be like ..."now that looks yummy"
4) I don't miss tripping over your boats, finding your ACUs all over the house and anything else army related in every room of our house.
5) I don't miss having to find the hiding dishes that you leave on the floor in the living room that gets push under and behind things
6) I don't miss being suck without a car. I always hated being along on the house with no transportation.
7) I don't miss the text every day I got at 11 am asking me what I was doing and when I answer with a "Nothing just sitting on Facebook" you would always get upset and wished I would get off facebook. Now, you don't know how long I spend on here....hahaha!
8) I don't miss Jeremy using my towel. It would drive me nuts but I never told him.... that if I hung a towel out for me to use when I got out of the shower somehow Jeremy would end of using it before me! lol!
9) Um.... I am running how of things to put. so last one.... I don't miss Jeremy's driving! Sorry I hate his driving! He is a good driver don't get me wrong I just hate to sit in the passenger seat. I like or should I say love to drive. So now no fighting over who is driving!

So there you go my fun list of the things I miss and the things I Don't miss! With every positive there is a negative!!!

One Month Later....

Yeah you heard me it has been over a month since Jeremy left. Yeah 35 days since he left. The first couple of weeks were so slow and depressing but things are picking up now and getting a lot better. Yeah they say the first month is the hardest so I guess since I made it though that period then I am going to survive. Yeah I am doing good I still have my days or better my moments but things get better and things get easily. So what have I been doing?
Well physically the problems I have are getting a lot better so that is a good thing. I have had a lot more energy and felt better period. Ready to do more things. Which I still have not worked on MY house at all. I got so much more I need to do. I did go help my friend worked on her house but now I really must work on my house! I just really really don't want to do it does anyone want to volunteer. PLEASE?!?!?! Anyways yeah I have not gotten anything done. I have not started really losing weight or anything in that way. I did start but then stopped I am not sure why. But start Saturday I got to start walking because I am taking part in a "walk to iraq" So I have to walk 100 miles from then to April....So can I do it??? We will see!

Anyways, um, oh Jeremy is doing good, everything is going good. So yeah things are ok!